If you’ve been putting off restarting your mental health journey, these questions may help you reflect on why you should no longer put it off.
Recently, I was at a gathering and commented to someone, “I am going to do that one day.” Their response to me was, “You know, one day isn’t a date on the calendar.” Now I am sure many of you have heard this before, but it stopped me in my tracks and I wanted to hide at the accuracy!
Have you ever had this experience? Someone says something that causes you to pause and reconsider your actions, your beliefs, the stories you’ve been telling yourself? Individual psychotherapy (therapy, counseling) can sometimes be like this, a moment to pause and take in new awareness.
If you’ve been waiting to start therapy “one day,” which isn’t a date on the calendar, you’re not alone. Many men feel uncertain about how therapy works or how it might benefit them, resulting in their inaction. There is no singular or “correct” or “right” way to do therapy. Each therapist is unique, and so is each therapy seeker. Sometimes people set out with a single goal, which can transform into others through the development of new insights brought on by the process of inquiry, reflection, and exploration of one’s past experiences. The duration of this process varies from person to person. However, one courageous thing I often encourage is to approach the process with an open heart throughout the experience, as you gain new insights about yourself.
Here are five questions that might help you determine if it’s time to start your therapeutic journey.
Do I have a tendency to bottle things up instead of reaching out to avoid burdening others in my life?
If you answered yes to this, therapy can be an excellent resource of neutral support that can free you from having to keep your emotions to yourself.
You can also learn communication tools to find support outside of therapy, with those in your support network.
Am I frequently irritable, overwhelmed, sad, distressed, worried, and emotionally dysregulated?
Starting (or restarting) your mental health journey care can help you identify, process, and manage your emotions.
Have my sleep patterns changed, leaving me unfocused, exhausted, and drained?
Sometimes sleep can be connected to mental health and stress, therapy helps uncover patterns and behaviors that impact day-to-day functioning.
Men of color often face life circumstances that frequently go unaddressed. These experiences can weigh heavily on one’s body and often manifest in changes to sleep patterns.
Are my relationships distant? Strained? Unfulfilled?
Speaking with a mental health professional may help you to identify relationship goals.
Sometimes, leaving an unhealthy relationship can mean grieving and acknowledging what you truly want in your relationships.
Some men have found themselves struggling to read the emotions of other people, which can cause strain on their relationships. Therapy is an excellent avenue to explore ways to connect with oneself and others.
Am I excessively engaging in distractions like porn, alcohol, work to avoid my emotions?
You’re not alone. Finding a supportive group facilitated by a skilled professional can help you make different choices for your day-to-day experiences when you’re ready.
If you need more encouragement, please visit this beautiful essay with insights from Black men sharing parts of their therapy journey. This essay was written and curated by Ashleigh Vaughn (shared with you here with their permission), “Dear Black man, therapy is for you too.”
If you’re looking for what questions to ask during your first therapy appointment, these might be helpful to you.
